Habeeby…Chapter Five

As this is the last chapter in this series, it is also different from the rest. How you ask? While the former couples had substantial years of experience under their belt, this concluding couple has merely started their journey. So…why would I want to feature them?

Because they embody an extremely important message. One that I doubt they themselves understand.

That the start of a journey is as important as its length. For where would we be if we never commenced?

They are young. And might not have much experience. Might not even realize a lot of in-depth thought processes that a long-lasting married life requires. Yet, it will remind you of that untainted faith you might have had at the start of your relationship, even make you nostalgic, or cause you to smile and say a heartfelt prayer for this faith to be smoothly converted into wisdom in coming years as it happened with you. And yet, cherish that infectious joy that oozes through this conversation.

May Allah Subhanwata’la bless them immensely and put barakah in their togetherness in their Deen, Duniya and the Akhirah…Ameen

Allahumma Barik Lahum…

Let’s start with a short introduction.

Rehan: “Hi! My name is Rehan. I reside in Bangalore with my family. I enjoy playing badminton, basketball, travelling and watching movies. I’m a Chartered Accountant by professional and work in Statutory audit sector.”

Huma: “I am a small-town girl. Born and brought up in Hazaribagh. Then moved to Ranchi for higher studies. I am very ambitious in nature, I like challenges. I am a working woman, IT Analyst (Techie) by profession since past 6 years and have worked with different MNCs. I am also pursuing MBA in Data Science. My attitude towards life is to Never Give Up. I have a blissful 11months of married life. I have a loving family; we stay together in Bangalore. Everyone is so supportive. MashaAllah!”

What is your marriage story?

Rehan: “We have been married close to a year now. Our journey has just begun, and it has been amazing. We met in March 2020 just before the lockdowns were announced. We found out that our approach towards life and our perspectives were aligned which helped us start of with a certain level of comfort. There has been no looking back since.”

Huma: “Ours is a modern arrange marriage kind of story. We met through Shaadi.com; a matrimonial site. Started talking ,he took my audit for hours and hours. I liked him so we decided to meet. Lockdown was announced the very next day after our first meeting. Quarantine gave us enough time to get to know each other to the best of our limitations. I wanted to be very sure about the marriage. My opinion about him from day 1 has remained the same. He is the simplest, sweetest gentleman I have ever met in my life. Soon after lockdown, I left my flat in Bangalore and went back to Ranchi, to spend some time with my family before the Wedding Bell rang. His family came to Ranchi for the engagement. We got married after two months. And it has been 11months. I’m enjoying my married life with my partner, thanks to WFH!”

How has this time gone by?

Rehan: “I cannot believe it’s almost a year. I’m fortunate to have been working from home and being able to spend as much as possible with Huma. I believe our relationship is beautiful, we have Love and Respect for each other: the two ingredients most important for any relationship. Even though we have been married for less than a year, I believe our relationship is mature and we have a great chemistry.”

Huma: “You cannot keep count of time, it just flies. I got adjusted to my new family very well, very soon…Alhamdulliah! My relationship with my husband is very strong, MashaAllah. We are pretty mature; we take decisions together discuss everything. We play together be it badminton or chess, workout together. Work from home has given us enough time to be with each other.”

How does Islam fit in your private lives?

Rehan: “To be honest, I’m not very religious. However, I follow aspects which I’m able to relate to. I have keen interest in history and mythology and have read excerpts from various religious texts. I believe that such knowledge has helped me be a better person and has definitely impacted our marriage life. As a couple, we discuss and brainstorm on the right approach and underneath you always know what is right.”

Huma: “Let me tell you, in my family my mother in law is super religious. After her I think I am. Islam teaches us to be truthful and loyal to your partner.I pray in salah that we stay together in Jannah as well. We are very scientific and practical as well. We do believe what is haram is Haram and follow Halal things.”

Did you have any preconceived notions about marriage before getting married? Have they changed?

Rehan: “Not really, I just went with the flow.”

Huma: “I did. That I will be working even after marriage. I should not be fully dependent on my partner. I have my own individuality. I must be able to handle both my personal and professional life taking all the challenges. I also thought that I would be looking for both of families even after my marriage. And Alhamdulillah, it has not changed.”

Do you have set roles in your relationship?

Rehan: “We don’t have any set roles, we both are quite busy with our professional life and being with our family, we get all the support from my parents and siblings.”

Huma: “Ahh no, we have never set any roles as such. But being part of the family, I have to take care of everything, when there is no maid or no cook. What is missing in kitchen, what things need to be ordered. To look after my plants and garden. I have taken up these responsibilities too & it has no impact on our relationship.”

Are boundaries important between spouses?

Rehan: “Yes, everyone needs to have their own individuality and having some boundary and space aids growth.”

Huma: “Yes. To be happy and peaceful. We must respect each other’s privacy with the knowledge that it has no relevance to our married life & future.”

What is the most special and/or part of your marriage?

Rehan: “We have common hobbies and enjoy doing those together such as sports and travelling. Most importantly we both value our family which makes our marriage special.”

Huma: “I am thankful to my husband for giving me such a wonderful family. My father-in-law, and mother-in-law treat me like their own daughter. That’s the proudest part of my marriage. Special part of our marriage is our love and understanding to balance work, life and family.”

How do you deal with a difference in personality and perspective?

Rehan: “You need to listen and understand her perspective. Listening and communication is an important part of resolving difference of opinion. My spouse has had a tremendous impact on my life. I admire her strength to deal with difficult situations and care for her loved ones.”

Huma: “We should always listen, talk and communicate well. Everyone has their own perspective, and it shouldn’t impact the relationship. My spouse is a very calm person & he gives the best advice. I admire how he takes care of everyone in the family and is always ethical, follows all the rules and regulations…(& I am the rule breaker!)”

What is the best part about being married to your spouse?

Rehan: “Constant love and care. There’s always someone for you. We both have a strong values and a keen interest to learn which I believe is our greatest strength. Our biggest challenge has been finalizing our travel destinations, fortunately we have not been faced with any tough situations. Even if we do, I believe we are a great team which can face any obstacles.”

Huma: “Best part is that he is not boring. His funniest side I have seen after marriage. We do all activities together. Be it eating, driving, playing chess or badminton. We both are very competitive.

Our love, trust and respect towards each other is our biggest strength as a couple.

We both like to travel, but Rehan is cold intolerant. It was challenging when we traveled to Kashmir and Sikkim. I was doubtful whether he will be able to manage, but he did, and I am proud of him. Though he constantly felt nauseous and dizzy.”

What practical aspects should a couple intending to get married, be prepared for?

Rehan: “You need to be flexible, listen and try to understand your partner’s perspective and find a common ground. If you have the right approach and intellect, you can handle any conflict.”

Huma: “Don’t keep very high expectations, especially for girls I would like to mention. Try not  to burden your spouse with high bills. Some girls want everything – a high profile life, their maintenance is also high. Your husband is not your bank. You must be supportive as much as you can. To handle conflicts, you should be able to take responsibility to mange financial crisis as well.”

How have you evolved in your marriage, individually and together?

Rehan: “I have started thinking about our future, savings, long term vision, etc. which I had not thought about before marriage. I believe this evolution is due to marriage.”

Huma: “After marriage, I am taking my health routine seriously, I am managing my savings and investing for our future. And together we are planning for our better future.”

There is such negative stereotyping regarding marriage in these times. What do you have to say about it?

Rehan: “It’s important to find the right partner who matches your wavelength. If that happens marriage would be successful. Unfortunately, people want different things in life and don’t want to be committed which leads to failed marriages and an increase in negative stereotypes. Commitment to make the relationship work is the key and both partners need to have that.”

Huma: “I agree with my husband here.”

What is the best piece of advice you have received for your marriage?

Rehan: “Best advice is to listen to your partner. I implement it by being more mindful. Advice: Please get married only if are ready for commitment and have found the partner who you believe matches your wavelength and compatible with your approach to life.”

Huma: “Best Advice & Compliment I got, and I quote:

       ‘Assalam o Alaikum wa rehmatullah… You & Rehan are cute couple with all the good qualities like smart, cooking, intelligent, hard working & interested in gardening. One advice to you both please concentrate in your Islamic practice & teaching from Quran & sunnah. Trust me it will take you to next level as husband wife & for your coming generation. Also securing your Akhirah. Alhumdullilah. May Allah Subhanawatallah always give you barakah in your relationship & protect from evils.’ “

We are implementing a bit more in our daily lives .

Advise I would like to give– if the vibes match and everything looks compatible go for it. Don’t just hang in there and waste time.”

Do you think family/friends/communities play an important the married life of a couple?

Rehan: “Yes, family/friends/communities bind your marriage and plays an important role. But you need to ensure that negative energy, if any, from community or friends needs to be kept away. For us, family friends and our community has led to a positive impact on our marriage.”

Huma: “Family plays an important role in the married life of couple. Everything else is secondary. You must know who your real friends are, stick with them & stay away from negative people.”

What does it mean, according to you, to be a good husband/wife?

Rehan: “A good husband or wife, needs to be a good human being first. Be empathetic, understanding, caring, and loving.”

Huma: “Adding to husband’s answer, both should equally take care of houseold chores. Should not give full burden on one person.”

What hopes do you have for the rest of your lives together?

Rehan: “To live our lives to the fullest potential and always be happy.”

Huma: “To live a happy life and travel across the world together. And make a lot of beautiful memories.”

Lastly, what is the recipe for a successful marriage?

Rehan: “Recipe is commitment, listening, love, empathy and little bit of spice!” 

Huma: “A successful marriage is the sum of small efforts, focused on showing love, care and appreciation repeated everyday. We are quite new to share the full recipe!”